Menunggu

I have a BIG and HUGE love-hate relationship with this matter, waiting. 

Either itu menunggu kendaraan, menunggu minum yang udah lama di order, atau menunggu...apa hayo.

Hahaha apapun itu there's always this funny feeling when it comes to waiting.

Why I love waiting?

Saya suka rasa penasaran yang muncul di antara perut dan dada *is it just me or you guys feel that too?*

Saya suka cerita khayal yang kita buat di pikiran saat menunggu.

I love how time suddenly turns slow while waiting.

Semua terasa perasaan terasa lebih, tajam.

But, why do I hate it?

Karena saya penasaran & gak sabar! <-- LABIL.

Sudah seminggu ini on my devotion, it talk so much about self-control. Trus kemarin hari Sabtu pagi, I got this word and it's really strong in my heart.

Wait

Di hati saya langsung, ah Tuhan maksudnya apaan nih. Kan lagi belajar self-control, kenapa wait?

And then He taught me about Abraham.

Abraham udah nunggu berpuluh-puluh tahun untuk mempunyai momongan dari istri nya, Sarah. Sebelum birthday blast nya yang ke-1 abad, 3 angels came and told him that Sarah will bore a child. In my opinion, the angels came bukan 1 tahun sebelumnya, atau 5 bulan sebelumnya, tapi berpuluh-puluh tahun sebelum nya. I am sure pas awalnya Abraham feels so excited. Gue akan punya anak!

5 tahun berlalu.

6 tahun berlalu.

20 tahun berlalu.

Dimana anak itu? Abraham dan Sarah sudah tambah tua. Secara biologis, even in the old days, they are too old to have a child. Sarah became so desperate, dia kasih Hagar ke Abraham untuk punya anak. And Hagar did. Setelah Ismail lahir, Ishak pun lahir. God kept His promise.

And then God showed me another one. Joseph.

Waktu dia masih muda/kecil *i'm not sure*, dia dikasih Tuhan mimpi yang intinya his brothers will bow to him. Si abang-abang nya keki dengernya, apa nih bocah congkak amat. Dibuanglah si Yusuf, dijual ke orang Mesir jadi budak. They take Joseph's beautiful coat, they ripped it and dipped it into blood. Showing to Jacob that Joseph is dead. Di Mesir Yusuf dibeli sama Om Potifar, salah satu MPR nya Raja Firaun. Yusuf karir nya melejat tinggi, he became the chief in Potifar's house. Ketemu lah sama Tante Potifar, the bombshell babe of the house. She cannot control her desires as she sees that baby-face hottie keliaran di rumah nya. She tried to seduce Joseph, and smart kid he ran away. Gengsi takut ketauan kegatelan sama brondong, si Tante fitnah Yusuf sama dijeblosin ke penjara. Years and years he stayed in the prison, sampe akhirnya temen ex-napi nya inget sama Yusuf and he help him get out of the prison to help the King with his dream. Long story short, God fulfilled the dream He once gave to Joseph.

2 man of faith. Did you see any difference from their story?

Sama-sama cinta Tuhan. Sama-sama dikasi janji. Sama-sama ditepatin. Sama-sama diberkati.

Apa bedanya? Self-control.

God did fulfilled His promise to Abraham, but he failed once. Waktu Sarah kasih Hagar, Abraham could just say no and walk away. Sarah could just ran to God when she couldn't stand the wait. But instead they made an alternate reality. Their alternate realty, not God's.

What happened next? Ishak tetep lahir, tapi gak pernah akur sama Ismail. It passes through their generations until now.

Did you see what happen ketika kita mulai kehilangan that self-control while waiting? "Dosa kecil" yang kita anggap sepele bisa menghancurkan generasi yang akan datang.

2 things we often do if we lose that self-control:

Either we keep on complaining, or we take over God's authority.

Gak ada yang lebih baik, dua-dua nya is an act of disbelieve in God's mighty power.

Complaining while waiting doesn't count as surrender, and take over God's authority is definitely unacceptable.

Isn't God a loving Father, who takes care of us? Bukan kah dia Allah yang punya rencana terbaik bagi kita?

So why don't we wait?

The thing about waiting, we don't only need faith,

 we need self control.

We need to believe that what God has promised will arrive just in time even though we haven't see it yet.

And we need to hold back our ego and stop being a control-freak.

Sama seperti waktu kita kecil, papa mama kita mau beliin kita kado. Ulang tahun kita masih seminggu lagi sih, but we cannot wait! And it's our choice. Bisa kita minta kado nya duluan, tapi pas our birthday comes, nothing excite us or special anymore other than cakes and candles. Tapi if we just endure the wait, and enjoy the process that sometimes makes us anxious, the joy is indescribable.

Maybe God has promised you something for a long time.

Better job, better finance, good friends, good grades, love-life partner, happy family, or anything.

Maybe you're in that moment like Sarah, Abraham & Joseph. When it seems that that promise is dying. Like nothing is happening, and there's no more hope. 

Segelap-gelap nya ruangan, pasti ada cahaya.

Start believing that it will come. 

In the right place, right time, in a right way.

Just enjoy the process. Setiap detik nya. Perasaan penarasan yang makin tajam itu.

Taste, and see that the Lord is good! 

 Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living.

    Wait patiently for the Lord! Be brave and courageous. 

Yes, wait patiently for the Lord!

-Psalm 27:14 NLT-

In Between

How are you guys doing? I have been sick for this few days, it's cray cray craaayy! Sore throat, aching body, headaches, my whole body feels so fatigue, and what's even worse? I don't know what I suffered, I just had this symptoms. This morning I tried looking up at the internet and they said I got typhus, which is scary. I heard that if you had quite a lot typhus, you can actually die because of that. Creepy .__.

But the weird thing is, I can still do some activities, but I'm tottaly not fit. URGH IT SUX.

Anyways so today is,finally, the day I could totally rest. Even though tonight I'm going to a skin doctor. Hahaha miris banget, I got those symptoms and yet malah perginya ke dokter kulit.

And also, today is finally the day I could write to you guys! Yeaaay so excited! ^.^

Sadarkah kalian kita udah ngejalanin 6 bulan pertama dari 2013, dan sekarang kita berada di bulan ke-7? 

How time flies! 

This morning on my devotion, saya baca Efesus 5. Because, who doesn't love Ephesians? For me, as a Christian, all the things Paul wrote to the Ephesians is like a guide-line for us how to live as Christ. He makes it so understandable and easy. Thanks, Paul!

Judul dari Efesus 5 in The Massage version is interesting, "Wake up from Your Sleep". And in verse 5-9 it says:

5 You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.6-7 Don’t let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don’t even hang around people like that.8-10 You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.

We are all called to be God's witness. Just like Jesus when He came to this earth, He became God's witness. 

What God desires in all of us is for us to live like Him. He wants the other people who doesn't know Him see something different in you. He wants us to live different from the world!

But isn't it concerns us that most of the people verse 5 talks about is in the church?

We are so satisfied with the fact that when we receive Jesus kita dapat jaminan untuk ke surga, we use our beliefs to get what we want. Like for example we use God's forgiving spirit to forgives us every time we gossips. Or after we see something or say something unholy. We use the blessings from God to spend it on something evil, and we abandoned His call for us to give to the poor.

Yang lebih parah lagi, is when we talk about Jesus and how we memorized the Bible and how we serve at church maybe 48 hours a day *lebaay*, how the Bible said about idolatry and all the things God teaches us but we never walk that talk. 

Kita jadi gak sadar we are living in between the lines. The lines between God and the World. Good and Bad. Right and Wrong. It's super dangerous to be at that line because, we didn't even know when we're there. 

But one thing for sure, when we started to live in that between, we won't feel good. It's like what I'm feeling right now. I am not that sick, but I'm definitely not healthy. 

When a person started to be living in between is this. He looks at the world and are so anxious about how bad it is, how ungodly the people has become. And yet when he sees the strict principles of God, we quickly backs off because he thinks that it's hard/ heavy for him. But actually God made it not to be too hard on us. Because He said it in the Bible that the trials gak akan melebihi kekuatan kita. It means that it's on our capability, and we can do it!

The moment we started to live in between, is when we started to compromise. Letting the world's standards to enter our lives, little by little, step by step.

It's funny how different God and the world works. To live according to God's principle, kita harus muter balik 180 degrees in one step. But to live like the world, you do it step by step.

Like for a person to quit smoking, He has to stop in one step. You will never successfully quit smoke if you do it step by step. It's about changing the lifestyle.

That is why God's wants us to give our all to Him, so that we could live His principles without any burdens. He nailed all our burdens, our sins, semua keterikatan kita on the cross!

And once we give our all to Him, and fixing our eyes only to Him, and start to live the way He lives, we will experience that fullness which He has promised us.

Just like what it says in verse 8-10, we are the light! And it's practically normal for a light to be noticed in the darkness. It is normal that the light is 100% different from the dark. So it's perfectly normal that as Believers, we live differently from the world. 

Every time I share this to someone else, I always got so excited! Like do you know what happens when all Believers and Doers (of the Word) living the talk? It will be extraordinary! They will become an impact for their schools, campus, home, family, government, even for their nation and the world!

In fact, I (and my 3 other brothers and sister) will be sharing about this in an event our youth church had. It's going to be held on August 24th. I will update the time and details later, and I just spoiled to you my sermon. Which, guys, you are lucky and you haven't heard it all. #ohyeah.

Hahahahahahaha it's going to be amazing, you have to come!

An so, loved ones, it's your call.

Be the light. Be what God wants you to be. Give Him your all! Live the way Jesus live. Love the way Jesus loves. Obey the way Jesus obeys. Be the light, and walk that talk :)

Pray for me, if you may. And if you know any remedies or natural and healthy way to cure this stressful icky disgusting illnes, I would love to hear it. Happy Wednesday, and here's an extra love for you ❤

:3

Halo, Juni.

Hari ke-lima di bulan baru. Bagaimana bulan May mu?

Did you finish well?

Mine is a little bumpy at the end. But all is well.

"Keterbukaan adalah awal pemulihan."

Kalimat itu cocok untuk describe how my May goes.

Akhirnya bulan lalu hal-hal yang selama ini tersembunyi dibukakan.

Pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang menghantui mulai terjawab, sedikit demi sedikit.

Terbuka itu penting. Gak baik nyimpen terlalu lama.

Baik itu perasaan, prasangka, pertanyaan.

Memang kita harus melawan ego untuk menyatakan nya. But it's better than never. Ya kan?

Dan setelah kamu menyatakan nya, perasaan lega yang tak terhingga akan kamu rasakan.

A bitter yet genuine truth are much better than a sweet hidden lie.

Tapi pada akhirnya, kejujuran itu akan menjadi manis kok.

I'm so excited of what June may bring. 

I'm so excited for all the surprises, the laughter, the tears.

I'm curious of what God will take us through this month. Of what He will reveal, what He will say to us.

Thank you for the journey. May was so full of surprises and so much fun.

Wake up a little bit earlier, love a little bit more, laugh a little bit more.

I feel like this June is a new beginning for all of us. A new chapter.

Be excited of what you're going to face every single day. 

Keep strong, be courageous, keep falling in love with Him, and have a little bit of faith.

I hope you found your Destiny. Whoever, whatever that is.

"From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, 

though He is not far from each one of us."

-Acts 17:26-27 NIV-

Pursue #2: Who's way?

Ah udah lama yaa gak masuk series ini. Baru sadar, ternyata saya banyak janji palsu ya sama kalian >.<

Akan saya tepati setiap janji-janji itu!

Awal tahun ini saya dapet 2 kata. Set-apart & Pursue.

Yuk kita study Bible yuuuk.

So let's go back to the basics. Pursue itu artinya apa sih? Menurut dictionary internet andalan khalayak ramai, pursue itu..

Pursue: (v) follow someone/something in order to catch or attack them. seek to form a sexual relationship with (someone) in a persistent way.

Memang agak aneh yaa kenapa pake kata ini untuk describe relationship sama Tuhan?

Inget gak sama wanita yang sakit pendarahan? Ditengah kerumunan orang banyak, keadaan dia yang sakit, she manages a way to be near Jesus and touch the end of His robe. 

Talking about pursuing, this is the real deal! She got healed instantly!

Following Jesus itu akan terasa biasa aja tanpa hasrat dari dalam diri kita untuk Pursue Dia.

A relationship won't start if we don't take the first step.

Pagi ini saya bangun, dibawah mama sama papa lagi ngobrol. I wasn't really pay any attention to the topic but they're talking about Ribka & Yakub.

Buat yang gatau ceritanya buka Kejadian 27 yaa :)

Let's have a quick re-run.

Jadi pada saat itu Ishak punya  2 anak dari istrinya Ribka, Esau dan Yakub. They both are twins, but they don't look alike.

 Esau itu lebih macho, manly, pemburu. Sedangkan Yakub itu tukang masak, kulit nya putih. I my perspective, I don't think the Bible is talking about physical. Digambaran saya, Esau itu orang nya keras dan Yakub itu orang nya lembut. Kita get this straight first yuk. Keras itu gak jahat, dan lembut itu gak baik. They are all the same. Orang yang lembut bisa berlaku jahat, dan keras itu gak selamanya the 'bad-guy'. Contoh: Petrus :D

Okay balik lagi ke topik. Suatu hari Ishak merasa masa hidup nya udh mau finish. So he decided untuk memberkati anak-anak nya. Especially Esau karena mau diberkati hak sulung. Jadi Ishak suruh Esau untuk masak makanan kesukaan nya. Ribka overheard their conversation. And as we know Yakub nego sama Esau and so on and so on si Yakub akhirnya yg dapet hak kesulungan trus doi kabur dari rumah. 

There are a lot of things yang bisa kita pelajari dari cerita ini. Demi kacang merah, lalala. Tapi I want us to focus on Ribka's side.

Waktu Yakub dilahirkan, Ribka pasti tau anak nya punya purpose dari Tuhan. Kalo enggak, Yakub gak akan jadi anak favorite nya. She saw a special destiny in his life, dan benar. Yakub akhirnya ketemu Tuhan dan namanya diganti menjadi Israel. Fathers of many nations.

Saya jadi mikir, kenapa yah Ribka suruh Yakub curi berkatnya Esau? 

Kan Ribka sendiri tau kalau anak nya akan dipakai Tuhan?

One thing yang gak ada dalam hatinya, Iman.

Faith is the key and our strength that makes us believe something we haven't seen yet.

If only she has a little faith, Yakub gak akan harus nyuri berkatnya Esau.

We can put all the blame on Ribka, Esau, Yakub, Ishak, yang nulis ceritanya. We can put the blame on anyone. Tapi yuk kita diam sejenak. Sadarkah kita sering berlaku seperti mereka, Ribka?

Kita berlaku seperti Ribka. 

We know God wants to use us, we know our destiny. Tapi sering kali kita curi start atau kita gak ikut game-plan nya Tuhan. Seberapa sering kita sebagai orang tua, mentor, pastor, kita melihat anak kita punya potensi and we started to guide them towards it without God's guidance?

Kita sering membela diri, oh yes I'm following God's way makanya mulus-mulus aja. But actually, really? 

Do we?

The part about living a fully committed-life to God is surrender. Hidup seturut jalan nya Tuhan itu gak asal-asalan, kawan. When we said He will use you, believe that He will. In His own way.

Pertanyaan nya, will you follow His way or yours?

Sering kita dapet nubuatan or revelation of what we're going to do or to be, tapi kita lupa the part that we are on the same team with God. And as a team we need to walk in the same pace. Together.

And who's the head of the game? Jesus Himself.

It's not easy, I know.

That's why we need to pursue Him, with persistence.

Saya suka deh khotbah gembala gereja saya waktu itu di Youth.

 In persistence we need faith. And in faith we need persistence.

Percaya Tuhan akan menepati janjiNya. But use His way. Follow Him. 

Mungkin kamu belum ngerti atau kamu heran liat caraNya membimbing kamu. But believe that His way is perfect. Gak ada satu hal pun yang terjadi tanpa sepengetahuan Nya.

Wow. It's amazing how we can get so many things, just by listening.

Terimakasih saya ucapkan pada kedua orangtua saya. Sering-sering nguping aah hahahaha xD

So remember.

Persistence and faith.

Good luck on pursuing Him. Trust me, it's enjoyable :)

song of the day: Come Away by Jesus Culture
*buat yang belum baca pursue #1, bisa buka linknya disini yaa*

The 9 Months: Miracle.

 9 bulan berlalu, banyak hal yang dipelajari. Ratusan hari yang berlalu, tidak ada satu hari pun berlalu tanpa mujizat. Saya sendiri pun gak pernah nyangka bisa bertahan selama ini. I am a woman of no commitment.

Dare I say, was, a woman of no commitments. Now that I am committed to Him, the strings will forever be attached. 

Terkadang kita suka terperangkap dalam persepsi bahwa mujizat = laut dibelah jadi 2.

Maksudnya, kita suka memandang bahwa mujizat itu terjadi dengan bombastis. Mujizat itu karya yang besar. Lumpuh bisa jalan, gak punya mata tumbuh bola mata. Hal-hal supranatural yang spektakuler.

Namun, sadarkah kita kalau justru mujizat terbesar itu terjadi di kejadian-kejadian kecil hidup ini?

Mujizat itu kemarin saya naik taksi dari SCBD ke Senayan dengan uang hanya 22rb. Memang bisa argo nya kurang dari itu tapi kondisi jalanan Jakarta, rasanya uang saya bakalan kurang. Mujizat itu saya bisa sampai di Senayan dengan argo hanya 21rb, pas. 

Mujizat itu bisa lulus masuk universitas hanya dengan sekali ujian, dimana teman-teman yang lain harus ujian berkali-kali baru keterima.

 Mujizat itu bisa bangun pagi. Mujizat itu saya masih bisa nari. Mujizat itu bisa bertahan dalam komitmen ini. Mujizat itu bisa dapat kekuatan dari Tuhan supaya bisa bertahan. Saya percaya mujizat terjadi setiap hari. And for me, the best miracles are the little things in life. How birds can sing, how the wind blows, how the stars shine.

Today is a new beginning. 

A new chapter has begun. Sama seperti seorang ibu yang melahirkan setelah 9 bulan, a miracle has been born. I don't know what it is. I don't know what will happen next.

Kalau ditaya, trus abis ini apa? Honestly, I have no idea. But I choose to walk in faith.

Let us walk together with Him. Not in front of Him, not in His back. But walking in the same pace.

Ada satu lagu yang saya lagi suka banget. Heartbeats by Hillsong United. Ada satu lyric nya yang ngena banget.

"Heart beats loud to the sound of a different drum

Calling me out from the crowd to pursue the One."

Happy Tuesday, finish the race well. Finish the race strong!

Emmanuel.

He is with us❤

The 9 Months: Truth.

Waktu berjalan sangat cepat ya. Gak kerasa 6 hari lagi, sudah tepat 9 bulan sejak The Self-Commitment day. I know with me writing this 9 monthversary 6 hari lebih awal agak ngehancurin suasana, but I am kinda lame about timing, especially if I'm pretty excited myself. So I'll divide this into 2 parts. One will be posted today, second part will be posted on the 'it' day. Let's get started shall we :)

So it all started on the early September evening. My dad, mom, chis and I baru aja selesai nge-gym di salah satu mall di kawasan SCBD, Jakarta. As we were going down to the parking lot, my mom ask to stop by at a bakery shop to buy some food for tomorrow's breakfast. (Ps: ini adalah masa-masa dimana keluarga saya mulai hidup sehat. sangat, sehat.) Di seberang toko roti itu ada toko buku kecil dan sambil bosen bengong nungguin mama belanja, me and chis went to the bookstore to look around. Pada masa ini saya dan chis lagi suka banget baca buku-bukunya Leslie Ludy. She is so our superhero because she has the same principle as my family, and she's the one who transform me and made me reveal who I really am. Saya ceritain nanti di lain waktu :P

Singkat cerita, chis dengan agak sedikit panik manggil-manggil nama saya. 'Ki! Ki!'. And yes she called me Ki sometimes in short of emmki -_-

Turns out dia manggil karena dia nemu buku we both been looking for every where. When God Writes Your Love Story. Uuuh tempting, I wondered. I am a newbie on being a real deal girl and I've been noticing that every christian girls would definitely carry a Lady in Waiting book on their hand. Dengan segala hormat bagi sang penulis, tanpa menjatuhkan nama baik nya, I've gotta say judul nya kinda creeps me out. Jadi waktu saya ketemu buku yang less-creepy dan ditulis oleh someone I adore, well why not? Saya langsung beli walaupun harga nya gak murah (dengan harapan akan diganti sama mama papa dan ternyata enggak. makasi chis). 

That September, is when I made my commitment. 

This book, is what makes me started. 

My past is the reason why.

Okay, here comes the curhat part.

Being a preacher's daughter is not easy. Being a well-known preacher's daughter is harder. Being well-known itself is the hardest. Let me break this down for you.

Pertama-tama, saya bukan nulis blog ini untuk jadi terkenal atau untuk merasa terkenal. Saya bikin blog ini untuk berbagi, tanpa berharap imbalan dan sebagainya. Ayah saya seorang pelayan Tuhan yang sudah melayani sepenuh waktu lebih dari 10 tahun. Jadi bukan hal yang aneh kalau orang-orang terutama dari gereja kenal atau setidak nya tau siapa ayah saya. Tahun 2006 ayah saya mulai bergabung di acara rohani di salah satu telivisi lokal di Indonesia. Yang ternyata sekarang bisa ditonton live streaming dari belahan dunia manapun. Kenyataan ini membuat ayah saya makin dikenal. Saya bangga dengan ayah saya, tapi I never brag about him. Saya sendiri pun gak sadar kalau ayah saya, keluarga saya, dan kemudian saya sendiri cukup dikenal oleh kalangan luar. I genuinely just realize this fact awal tahun ini. 

And when people know you, they started to examine every thing that you do. What you say, what you think, how you act, everything. And when people notice you, sometimes they wanted to get closer to you, or even creepier, wanted to have you. Dan sekali lagi, saya cerita ini bukan untuk menyombongkan diri sendiri. You'll get to the point later.

Jujur, buat saya susah untuk terima kenyataan bahwa banyak orang esp guys tried to date me. This part is what people has been telling me. Jujur berat untuk terima kenyaatan ada banyak kakak-kakak rohani saya diluar sana yang dateng khusus cuma bilang 'kamu banyak yang ngejar.' Saya gak pernah nyuri gak tau kenapa dikejar-kejar. Hahahaha ^.^

My past isn't really smooth. So about 5-3 years ago, saya mulai deket sama beberapa cowok. Saya disini belum tau kalau banyak orang yang tau saya so I was like, oh well who cares? No one's watching. Saya mulai bohong sama orang tua saya, karena saya tau mereka pasti ngelarang saya untuk pacaran (secara jg masih 12 taun, geez -_-). Every breakup, saya heran kenapa banyak orang yang tau. Saya mulai bikin konklusi, oh mungkin si cowok-cowok itu tukang gosip main sebarin rahasia ke semua orang. So I stop dating guys. Paradigma saya waktu itu kayak gini, toh juga pacaran bakalan putus, tapi pengen juga ngalamin that relationship, yaudah sampe batas deket aja. 

Ini racun nya.

You know, for me personally, walaupun sama-sama gak bener tapi saya lebih respect those yang jelas pacaran beberapa kali daripada sama yang main gantung-gantungan kayak jemuran. Hahaha been there done that. The heartbreak lebih sakit, the gossip lebih merajalela. Gak tau lagi deh mesti ngapain. I was so devastated. Until last year saya baca satu ayat that opens up about every thing.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 

- matthew 5:16 -

Jadi ini adalah kenapa banyak orang-orang percaya banyak dipandang orang. Karena waktu kita terima Yesus sebagai Tuhan dan Juru Selamat kita, we invited the light to live in us yang membuat kita mempunyai that shine and caught people's attention.

I'm talking this bukan untuk orang-orang yang terkenal aja, tapi untuk setiap orang. Kalian dipandang oleh sekitarmu. People are watching your decisions. Apakah keputusan kita bawa berkat? Apa malah bawa bahan gosip buat orang lain?

Waktu itu I was hurt so bad. Malu, bingung, gak tau mesti ngapain. This verse is the reason why I made my commitment. Which leads us the what was I committed about.

It's simple: 

To have a set-apart life and to give every single part of my love story to Him.

Agak ekstrim untuk beberapa orang. Saya inget banget waktu saya cerita ini ke pacar kakak rohani saya dimobil, dia ngakak nya bukan main. Asal lo tau ya kak gue sempet stress sendiri kenapa gue cerita ke lo, kak ****. You know who you are lah hahahaha. Chill, in the end dia dukung keputusan gue. Thank God. :P

My commitment itu bukan untuk jadi sok kudus. Apalagi saya adalah anak homeschool yang istilahnya sangat dipisahkan dengan dunia luar. Tapi komitmen saya ini bukan karena 'gak biasa dengan dunia luar.' Okay here's the fun fact, we homeschoolers know as much as what public students know. Even better, we're not involve in those areas. 'We' means all the real homeschoolers, bukan yang mendadak homeschoolers if you know what I mean.

Saya buat komitmen ini based on my love for my Savior, and because I feel like God is calling me to do this.

 Saya disadarkan sama suatu hal, kalau kita bilang kita pingin selama nya tinggal disurga, bukankah mestinya kita harus mulai membiasakan diri dengan hal-hal surgawi? It's so sad to see many believers yang pingin ke surga karena gak mau ke neraka. Kalau diceritain di surga nanti 24jam PPW and hidup disana kita bakalan super kudus, bukan nya mulai hidup kudus dibumi malah gak karukaruan kelakuannya.

Seperti ikan di laut yang asin, ikan hidup disana tapi daging nya gak ikutan asin. Kita boleh hidup di dunia, dengan orang-orang dunia, tapi gak menjadi serupa atau sama dengan orang dunia. Bukan juga jadi super ekstrim sampe bergaul pun gak mau. Hey, here's the fact, I love to party. But my kind of party, is the kind waktu bangun masih inget apa aja hal yang terjadi. To have a set-apart life means to be different. To live with one motto, what will Jesus do. 

Komitmen ini gak gampang. 9 bulan saya jalanin, banyak ups and downs. Banyak jatuhnya. But just what they said, it's not how many times you fell, but how many times you get up. Gak gampang untuk serahin hak 'mencintai' #iuh saya sepenuh nya sama Tuhan. Because here's how He does it: When we ask for patience, He gave us trials. Waktu saya menyerahkan hak saya sepenuhnya pada-Nya, guess what He gave me? Free will. It's like He showed me this awesome dudes yang cinta Tuhan, funny, kind, siap dipacarin. He rub that in my face. Bukan nya Dia jahat, I know He's testing my commitment. Sama hal nya waktu Abraham dites imannya sama Tuhan, He asks for Issac. It's not easy. Komitmen saya itu bukan untuk gak pacaran. I never said that. My commitment is to not date, unless God said it is time. And for right now, He hasn't put the green light on.

Baru aja belakangan ini I met someone yang literally every Christian girl's prince charming. Gosh. Many times I prayed, God maybe it's him, maybe it's time. But He is an amazing counselor. The Holy Spirit is so helpful and so kind. He is so wise. Every time I talked to that guy, saya selalu gak damai sejahtera. I got this tickely feeling in my heart yang kita rasain waktu kita umpetin sesuatu. 

Waktu Tuhan challenge saya untuk buat komitmen ini, I know bukan untuk ngehalang-halangin saya untuk suka sama seseorang. Tapi untuk punya relationship dulu sama Dia. And guess what, when we drink the Living water, we will never be thirst again.

Wanita samaria yang ketemu sama Yesus di dekat sumur itu udah lama cari seseorang yang bisa penuhin space yang kosong dihati nya. Yang bisa fulfill her desires of love. And when she met Jesus, remember what He said? Drink from me and you will never be thirst again. Kita adalah si wanita Samaria itu. He basically came to us and said, yuk have a deeper relationship with Me. Let Me be your first and one true love, and you will never feel empty again. 9 bulan komitmen ini berlangsung, bukan artinya saya jadi super kudus. Kadang ada masa-masa nya dimana saya pingin banget respon kalo ada cowok yang deketin dan sebagainya. But everytime that earthly desire came (earthly desire itu artinya keinginan untuk memiliki seseorang itu untuk pleasure semata, bukan genuine love), I just came to God and cry out to Him. He would came to me and convinced me that He is enough. And He is.

Bukan artinya saya tertutup sama cowok cowok trus langsung anti gitu hahahha enggak lah. But sometimes I keep distance to let them know that the answer is 'not yet'. Dan setelah 9 bulan I realized, you know someone better if you both are friends bukan lagi pdkt. You opened up even more without getting attached. And that is my definition of fun :)

So for all you newbies yang feel like this commitment is for you dan bertanya-tanya, where do I begin? The answer is now. And how do I do it? This is the answer.

But before you started, pray first. Is this what God wants you to do, or just what you want to do.

If you're still single, pray. If you're currently dating someone, pray.

Waktu Yesus terangkat ke surga dia janji sama kita bahwa The Helper itu dicurahkan ke semua orang. Bukan cuma ke orang-orang yang kudus nya udah level 10000. Tapi ke semua orang. Ask the Holy Spirit, let Him guide you. If the answer is for you to stay in the relationship with the person you're dating, pray that God will be the center. In other words, let Him be the most important person not your BF/GF. If God called you to stay single for right now, like I am, pray that God will guide your footsteps, and that you will be genuine to your commitment.

I know I can't speak to those who are in a relationship karena, uhm duh, look who's talking hahahaha. All that I can say is that, treat your partner the way you will treat your parents. Lebih ektrim (this is for everyone also), treat your partner as if your future spouse is watching. And when you're dating, remember you're not the only living person here on earth. Just because you're currently living with someone special doesn't mean they're the most important. Remember there are lots of people around that needed your love and help. And lastly, don't be needy! You don't need your partner all the time and your partner likewise. You both need Jesus xD

Of course saya gak bisa bilang kamu hanya boleh pacaran satu kali seumur hidup karena setiap orang punya prinsip nya masing-masing. Dan saya menghargai setiap prinsip hidup yang ada. However, this is what we should all keep in mind atas setiap komitmen yang kita jalani. 

Do it because you love Jesus, and do it His way.

The reason kenapa saya berani cerita panjang lebar malah terkesan agak bragging dan narsis adalah bukan karena alasan-alasan tersebut. This is what God really put in my heart. Awalnya saya gak mau istilahnya 'campaign' tentang hal ini, tapi banyak orang yang saya share tentang hal ini encourage saya to be serious about this. So this post bukan untuk naik-naikin pamor atau sok menggurui atau sok kudus. It's basicly what I genuinely desire for all you my friends to live. A set-apart life. Saya juga nulis ini is for you to know that I'm a human, I make mistakes. Mungkin in days to come saya akan jatuh #amitamit. But I just wanted you to know that I'm opened up to you guys. It took me almost a year to do this. Tadinya saya pikir saya akan tunggu sampai saya bisa khotbah tentang hal ini, but I realize itu kayak nya gak akan terjadi. Jadi saya ambil keputusan untuk share di blog ini saja. 

This is the end of part I. I'm so excited about what will happened in days to come. I hope this story is not for you to judge and I hope it doesn't hurt anyone. And most of all, I hope you are blessed :)

PS: please comment, let me know what you think. I'm opened up to your stories. Let's share more about this ! Email me at emmanuelamagdalena@yahoo.com <3

Ajar aku untuk menghentikan waktu. 

Berat rasanya untuk beranjak dari masa ini, beranjak darimu.

Ajar aku untuk kembali ke waktu dulu,

merubah pandanganku tentangmu.

Jujur aku menyesal memandangmu dengan sebelah mata.

Ingin aku merubah keadaan disaat kamu pertama kali menghampiri ku.

"Coba waktu itu aku langsung masuk, coba dulu aku tidak menghindar."

Kata-kata itu terngiang dipikiranku, 

tak lagi sekarang.

Bersyukur aku bisa mengenalmu, 

Bersyukur kau ada disini.

Disaat ku gundah, disaat aku lemah.

Kamu seperti vitamin bagi tubuhku,

Seperti pelangi bagi langitku.

Menghadirkan warna disetiap hariku. 

Aku memang emosionil,

Mungkin aku terlalu cengeng.

Aku bisa jadi berlebihan,

Tapi ini yang ingin aku katakan.

Apa artinya hidup tanpamu?

Apa yang Tuhan pikirkan saat Ia menciptakanmu?

Jika aku bisa merubah alur hidup ini, 

Aku takkan merubah apapun.

Jangan pernah pergi,

Jangan pernah berubah.

Teruslah disini,

Hadir dalam setiap mimpi-mimpi ku.

Berjalan bersama mu adalah anugrah terindah bagiku.

Semoga ikatan ini berlangsung selamanya.

Sampai maut memisahkan kita.

E.M

Friendship is God's perfect gift for us. When Jesus came to earth, Ia bukan hanya mengajak 12 orang untuk menjadi muridnya, tapi jadi sahabatnya. Memang dari 12 sahabatnya, satu berkhianat. But hey, who said life is easy? Jesus taught us not just how to live, but how to be the perfect friend. Take a moment from your busy day, text a friend. Just say how much you love them. Siapa yang nguatin kita disaat kita lemah? Siapa yang ada disamping kita disaat kita rapuh? Be the good friend who smile with them when they're happy, to cry when they're crying. Bersyukurlah untuk sahabat mu, mereka gak sempurna, no one is and no one will ever be. I hope you found your mate. And if you do, don't forget to be like Jesus..the perfect friend of all. :)

The Conclusion

Hi, I miss you. 

I know I've been gone way too long and let me tell ya, 2 months without you and telling you my stories is tough. Unlike any other years, this April feels so long. It felt like years to went through this month. 

A lot has happened. I survived my finals, btw. It was kinda tough, at first, but gladly it turns out alright. 

Anyways the reason why I've been away for 2 months was fasting not to open any social medias in order to study more. That's what I told everyone. But the other reason is, I got tired. 

I got tired of knowing too much.

We all need that kind of breaks. Away from something that might distract us, and focus on something we really need. I know the idea may sound a little ridiculous, but it somehow changes the way I live and see things.

I learned to control myself. Not saying all the things that I feel, and knowing something I shouldn't pay attention to. It's not that now I started to keep things inside, it's just there are many things I regret saying. And I just want to restart everything. That's why I fast. And I don't know how it does things, but whenever I fast, I met interesting people and learn interesting things.

You know the times when we hear about something and we're not sure of what actually happened but we make this alternate stories of what may has happened in our heads? Don't do it. I learned it during my fast. Because it doesn't matter really of what we know. It isn't that great to be someone who knows lots of things,  especially when we acted like we know one. Stop judging something before knowing on something that actually happened.

I spent most of my fast days thinking. About the future, about life. 

A new chapter is happening right now. I kinda feel it inside. April has gone by, it left us so many moments to be cherished. I'm so curious about what's going to happen next. Whom will I meet? What will I learned? What will I feel? 

I'm so thankful of what He has done to me this month. How did I even survived and the pains? What do I deserve for this blessings I get? I'm not going to make up stories in my mind about days to come. I'm laying all the expectations on His table. I'll let You do all the job. Thank you for being there these past 30 days. Thank you for the strength, for the joy and even for the pains.

No matter how much I'm curious about the plans in life, I won't try to fix things up. I'll just enjoy all the process. 

Be happy, be cheerful always. Try to love everything that will come, even all the little moments. Let's win this journey with strong heart, and this is for you :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZfUQTSzH9k

Bold.

Hai Sugaa. Apa kabarmu? Sudah lama yah terakhir kita berjumpa. 

Kabarku? 

Aku gak tau mesti mulai darimana.

Hidup ini unik yah. 3 bulan ini berlalu sangat cepat, banyak hal yang terjadi. 

Aku gak tau apa aku atau sekitar ku yang banyak berubah.

Aku udah jadi terlalu mati rasa, atau aku sudah terbiasa nelan perasaan?

Ah ikut Tuhan itu selalu manise. Sudah mau bulan ke-4 sejak penyerahan hidupku sama Tuhan. 

Mungkin karena itu aku jadi kesan nya mati rasa. 

Aku juga bingung, Ga, kok bisa sih kuat lewatin keras nya hidup dengan santai?

Ya, mungkin aku sudah makin kuat but nevertheless, I'm happy. :)

Selalu setiap habis melihat kenyataan pahit, somehow He instantly replace it with precious people to cheer me up. 

Aku tau kedepan pasti makin sulit, pasti Ga. Hidup itu keras, Ga. Keras banget.

 Tapi orang kuat tantangan nya pasti kuat kan? 

Aku suka deh ayat sate ku hari ini:

Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,

but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing. -Psalm 34:10-

Aku harap kamu juga makin kuat. Seperti Dia, the source of our strengths :)

------------------------

Anyways me and chis is now starting our very own Youtube account! Please comment and subscribe for more videos to come. *bocoran: new song coming right up this week! hopefully :P*

Pursue #1: The Word

"Money can't buy us happiness, but it can buy books. So it's pretty much the same thing."

Passage itu gue liat di Instagram. Even though sebenernya kebahagiaan jangan dipatokin dengan barang, tapi kalo buku, naaaah itu beda lagi. Hahaha *naritortor*

Tanggal 24 sampai 26 kemarin gue spent the holidays at Singapore bareng2 nyokap, bokap dan si kecil Chis. Liburan kali ini fix nya super dadakan, walaupun rencananya udah lama. Bayangin aja, malam sebelum kita cus di pesawat baru nemu hotel and miraculously bisa di booking. Tuhan baik, hampir aja kita sampe di SG terlantar tanpa kamar buat diinepin :')

Singkat cerita kita ke toko buku namanya Tecman Christian Bookstore. Ini juga luar biasa ceritanya bs nemu toko buku ini. We spent like almost 1.5 hour nyasar nyari lokasi nya dimana.

But at the end, our effort paid off with the books kita borong disana. Sampe gak sempet foto-fotoin buat evidence huaaks.

There's this book I bought called, Trusting in His Goodness

Entah kenapa yah, gue super confident beli buku yang ditulis oleh someone I don't know. Tapi memang gak salah ketika hati nurani berbicara *asik*, bukunya bagus to-the-max. Well maybe isinya memang bukan something new *buat gue* yang wah banget, tapi this book bener2 membangun.

Membangun gimana?

Jadi di setiap chapter ada ayat yang kita harus afal, nilai Kristus yang kita belajar terapin, dan pertanyaan2 yang bisa kita pakai untuk introspeksi.

I'm at phase 2, and as as far as I'm reading, gue msh gak gatau kenapa buku ini ditulis untuk wanita padahal isinya bisa juga dibaca all gender. But anyways, God really shows and reminds me of so many ways to see His goodness through this book. 

Salah satu cara untuk melihat kebaikan Tuhan adalah, The Word.

Yes it is the title of this post and the first part of the Pursue series I'm going to share through-out the year :) 

*berasa penulis kondang*

"All scriptures is inspired by God" atau di terjemahan lainnya, "

All Scripture is God-breath"

Nafas nya Tuhan. Nafas adalah tanda bahwa seseorang itu hidup. Jadi waktu dibilang di 2 Tim 3:16, God-breath, it means that the Scripture is alive!

Kenapa firman Tuhan itu tanda kebaikan Tuhan? 

There are  fungsi firman.

1. It directs our way. This is basic because we all know that the Word teaches us how to pray (Matthew 6:9-13), it is also our sword to combat the Enemy's attacks. Basic kecuali firman nya gak pernah lo baca, that's a different case :p

2. It is alive. Hebrews 4:12,"...living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Makanya waktu kita baca, pasti ada satu ayat yang istilahnya ngena banget di hati kita, karena firman itu hidup. He knows to whom He's talking to. Jadi the Ring kalah lah sama the Word :P

Tapi juga terkadang kita suka gak ngerasa bahwa firman itu hidup. Kenapa? Karena kita baca nya asal lewat

Beda sama kalau kita baca dengan gairah, kayak baca pesan or BBM dari orang yang punya hubungan sama kita. 

That is why yang ketiga..

3. It's God's love letter for us. Seperti rasa nya baca sms or BBM dari si doi yang lagi nyangkut di hati lo *hahaeey*. Kalimat nya cuman "udah makan blum", tapi rasa nya kayak nanya "udah makan blum". Hahahaha ngerti gak? 

Jadi alive seakan-akan si doi ada didepan lo sekarang. Kayak dia ngomong itu langsung didepan kedua mata lo.

That is the same with God. Dia mau saat kita baca firman-Nya, we could feel His essence, His love seakan-akan He's right there holding you and say the verse to you in person. haaah :')

Maybe it is hard, or awkward or maybe the term I like to use, unique, for Him meeting us in His word. But that's who He is. Dan waktu dengan bergairah kita yak mau baca dengan sepenuh hati, we will meet Him.

Apapun agama lo, apapun kitab lo, Tuhan kita tetep sama. Tuhan yang Maha Esa.

And He gave us His word. No matter dalam kepercayaan lo itu Al-Quran or Alkitab or al-al yang lainnya, read it with all your heart. He wants us to meet Him there :)

Let the Word be the sweetness in your life. Because He promise that 

"With honey from the rock (the Word), I will satisfy you". Psalm 81:16

Pursue the Word, and you will find Him, and His goodness❤

Serene

Kadang suka lucu sendiri ngeliat gimana arus kehidupan bawa kita ke tempat-tempat yang terkadang indah, terkadang penuh liku. 

Pernah gak sih terpikir saat kita bertemu dengan seseorang, 'kenapa harus dia?'

Setiap pertemuan ada kenang-kenangan untuk ditinggal. Yang literally hadir untuk kita kenang. 

Gak semua pertemuan itu ujung nya indah. Gak semua. Ada yang diawali manis, diakhiri dengan tangis.

Ironis, but that's life.

Gak semua kenangan yang ditinggal itu menyenangkan, namun pasti bermanfaat.

 Kedai ku diberi sebuah kenangan. Entah apa yang harus dirasakan.

Senang, sedih, berharap, atau.. pasrah? 

There are moments when we can stay, but there are moments that we have to leave. 

To take a step back.

One thing that I learned. When people grow, sometimes they grow apart.

I think I'll just stay here, watch the summer stars to lead me home.

Pursuing 2013

The more we look at our world today, the more we realized that it is coming to an end. Gimana enggak? There are so many things that are now turning 180 degrees from what God has intended it to be. Immorality is everywhere. People living with no respect. Families are torn down, commitments disepelekan. 

 Padahal waktu Tuhan menciptakan manusia pertama Adam & Hawa, He made a commitment with them. He adores having a full-committed relationship with us. But now? Our mind-set has been corrupted that it is okay to have a relationship with no strings attached. It makes us forget that, it is the strings that holds a relationship together. 

Waktu kita dengan gampang nya menyepelekan komitmen & hubungan kita dengan sesama manusia, maka gak heran hubungan kita sama Tuhan pun akan gampang renggang.

When God made both men and women, Dia udah siapin destiny mutlak di setiap kehidupan kita. Kenapa laki-laki harus jd tulang punggung keluarga?

 Kejadian 1-3. 

Adam disuruh namain semua binatang. Sedangkan waktu Tuhan ciptain Hawa, ia diambil dari tulang rusuk Adam. It's an important part of the body.

 He made us women to be sensitive, and it is our sensitivity that saves the gentlemen (our feelings and woman's instinct). 

But if we see today's reality, it's not how things are going. Girls throwing themselves everywhere, and guys seems to be afraid to pursuing woman's heart.

 Last night I tweeted something I learned from a book (which I get from a very dear sister of 
mine), Captivating by John & Stasi Eldrege.

"Girl's world ought to stay mysterious (not complicated). Guys should keep on searching & chasing. Not the other way around. Imagine if, girls started chasing and guys started waiting still. It happens now in reality. And that's not how it should be." 

Ladies, let's go back to our senses. And guys, we need that strength and full of energy kind-of-man back. 

Let's go back to what God has planned for us. 

Setting apart from the world to pursue the destiny He has written for me. 

Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how He did it. Because He never lost sight of where he was headed--that exhilarating finish and with God--He could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now He's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. Hebrews 12:2 (The Message)

And PS:

When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility He plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! Hebrews 12:3 (The Message)

This is my 2013 resolution and a start of another amazing journey. What's yours? :)