The 9 Months: Truth.

Waktu berjalan sangat cepat ya. Gak kerasa 6 hari lagi, sudah tepat 9 bulan sejak The Self-Commitment day. I know with me writing this 9 monthversary 6 hari lebih awal agak ngehancurin suasana, but I am kinda lame about timing, especially if I'm pretty excited myself. So I'll divide this into 2 parts. One will be posted today, second part will be posted on the 'it' day. Let's get started shall we :)

So it all started on the early September evening. My dad, mom, chis and I baru aja selesai nge-gym di salah satu mall di kawasan SCBD, Jakarta. As we were going down to the parking lot, my mom ask to stop by at a bakery shop to buy some food for tomorrow's breakfast. (Ps: ini adalah masa-masa dimana keluarga saya mulai hidup sehat. sangat, sehat.) Di seberang toko roti itu ada toko buku kecil dan sambil bosen bengong nungguin mama belanja, me and chis went to the bookstore to look around. Pada masa ini saya dan chis lagi suka banget baca buku-bukunya Leslie Ludy. She is so our superhero because she has the same principle as my family, and she's the one who transform me and made me reveal who I really am. Saya ceritain nanti di lain waktu :P

Singkat cerita, chis dengan agak sedikit panik manggil-manggil nama saya. 'Ki! Ki!'. And yes she called me Ki sometimes in short of emmki -_-

Turns out dia manggil karena dia nemu buku we both been looking for every where. When God Writes Your Love Story. Uuuh tempting, I wondered. I am a newbie on being a real deal girl and I've been noticing that every christian girls would definitely carry a Lady in Waiting book on their hand. Dengan segala hormat bagi sang penulis, tanpa menjatuhkan nama baik nya, I've gotta say judul nya kinda creeps me out. Jadi waktu saya ketemu buku yang less-creepy dan ditulis oleh someone I adore, well why not? Saya langsung beli walaupun harga nya gak murah (dengan harapan akan diganti sama mama papa dan ternyata enggak. makasi chis). 

That September, is when I made my commitment. 

This book, is what makes me started. 

My past is the reason why.

Okay, here comes the curhat part.

Being a preacher's daughter is not easy. Being a well-known preacher's daughter is harder. Being well-known itself is the hardest. Let me break this down for you.

Pertama-tama, saya bukan nulis blog ini untuk jadi terkenal atau untuk merasa terkenal. Saya bikin blog ini untuk berbagi, tanpa berharap imbalan dan sebagainya. Ayah saya seorang pelayan Tuhan yang sudah melayani sepenuh waktu lebih dari 10 tahun. Jadi bukan hal yang aneh kalau orang-orang terutama dari gereja kenal atau setidak nya tau siapa ayah saya. Tahun 2006 ayah saya mulai bergabung di acara rohani di salah satu telivisi lokal di Indonesia. Yang ternyata sekarang bisa ditonton live streaming dari belahan dunia manapun. Kenyataan ini membuat ayah saya makin dikenal. Saya bangga dengan ayah saya, tapi I never brag about him. Saya sendiri pun gak sadar kalau ayah saya, keluarga saya, dan kemudian saya sendiri cukup dikenal oleh kalangan luar. I genuinely just realize this fact awal tahun ini. 

And when people know you, they started to examine every thing that you do. What you say, what you think, how you act, everything. And when people notice you, sometimes they wanted to get closer to you, or even creepier, wanted to have you. Dan sekali lagi, saya cerita ini bukan untuk menyombongkan diri sendiri. You'll get to the point later.

Jujur, buat saya susah untuk terima kenyataan bahwa banyak orang esp guys tried to date me. This part is what people has been telling me. Jujur berat untuk terima kenyaatan ada banyak kakak-kakak rohani saya diluar sana yang dateng khusus cuma bilang 'kamu banyak yang ngejar.' Saya gak pernah nyuri gak tau kenapa dikejar-kejar. Hahahaha ^.^

My past isn't really smooth. So about 5-3 years ago, saya mulai deket sama beberapa cowok. Saya disini belum tau kalau banyak orang yang tau saya so I was like, oh well who cares? No one's watching. Saya mulai bohong sama orang tua saya, karena saya tau mereka pasti ngelarang saya untuk pacaran (secara jg masih 12 taun, geez -_-). Every breakup, saya heran kenapa banyak orang yang tau. Saya mulai bikin konklusi, oh mungkin si cowok-cowok itu tukang gosip main sebarin rahasia ke semua orang. So I stop dating guys. Paradigma saya waktu itu kayak gini, toh juga pacaran bakalan putus, tapi pengen juga ngalamin that relationship, yaudah sampe batas deket aja. 

Ini racun nya.

You know, for me personally, walaupun sama-sama gak bener tapi saya lebih respect those yang jelas pacaran beberapa kali daripada sama yang main gantung-gantungan kayak jemuran. Hahaha been there done that. The heartbreak lebih sakit, the gossip lebih merajalela. Gak tau lagi deh mesti ngapain. I was so devastated. Until last year saya baca satu ayat that opens up about every thing.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 

- matthew 5:16 -

Jadi ini adalah kenapa banyak orang-orang percaya banyak dipandang orang. Karena waktu kita terima Yesus sebagai Tuhan dan Juru Selamat kita, we invited the light to live in us yang membuat kita mempunyai that shine and caught people's attention.

I'm talking this bukan untuk orang-orang yang terkenal aja, tapi untuk setiap orang. Kalian dipandang oleh sekitarmu. People are watching your decisions. Apakah keputusan kita bawa berkat? Apa malah bawa bahan gosip buat orang lain?

Waktu itu I was hurt so bad. Malu, bingung, gak tau mesti ngapain. This verse is the reason why I made my commitment. Which leads us the what was I committed about.

It's simple: 

To have a set-apart life and to give every single part of my love story to Him.

Agak ekstrim untuk beberapa orang. Saya inget banget waktu saya cerita ini ke pacar kakak rohani saya dimobil, dia ngakak nya bukan main. Asal lo tau ya kak gue sempet stress sendiri kenapa gue cerita ke lo, kak ****. You know who you are lah hahahaha. Chill, in the end dia dukung keputusan gue. Thank God. :P

My commitment itu bukan untuk jadi sok kudus. Apalagi saya adalah anak homeschool yang istilahnya sangat dipisahkan dengan dunia luar. Tapi komitmen saya ini bukan karena 'gak biasa dengan dunia luar.' Okay here's the fun fact, we homeschoolers know as much as what public students know. Even better, we're not involve in those areas. 'We' means all the real homeschoolers, bukan yang mendadak homeschoolers if you know what I mean.

Saya buat komitmen ini based on my love for my Savior, and because I feel like God is calling me to do this.

 Saya disadarkan sama suatu hal, kalau kita bilang kita pingin selama nya tinggal disurga, bukankah mestinya kita harus mulai membiasakan diri dengan hal-hal surgawi? It's so sad to see many believers yang pingin ke surga karena gak mau ke neraka. Kalau diceritain di surga nanti 24jam PPW and hidup disana kita bakalan super kudus, bukan nya mulai hidup kudus dibumi malah gak karukaruan kelakuannya.

Seperti ikan di laut yang asin, ikan hidup disana tapi daging nya gak ikutan asin. Kita boleh hidup di dunia, dengan orang-orang dunia, tapi gak menjadi serupa atau sama dengan orang dunia. Bukan juga jadi super ekstrim sampe bergaul pun gak mau. Hey, here's the fact, I love to party. But my kind of party, is the kind waktu bangun masih inget apa aja hal yang terjadi. To have a set-apart life means to be different. To live with one motto, what will Jesus do. 

Komitmen ini gak gampang. 9 bulan saya jalanin, banyak ups and downs. Banyak jatuhnya. But just what they said, it's not how many times you fell, but how many times you get up. Gak gampang untuk serahin hak 'mencintai' #iuh saya sepenuh nya sama Tuhan. Because here's how He does it: When we ask for patience, He gave us trials. Waktu saya menyerahkan hak saya sepenuhnya pada-Nya, guess what He gave me? Free will. It's like He showed me this awesome dudes yang cinta Tuhan, funny, kind, siap dipacarin. He rub that in my face. Bukan nya Dia jahat, I know He's testing my commitment. Sama hal nya waktu Abraham dites imannya sama Tuhan, He asks for Issac. It's not easy. Komitmen saya itu bukan untuk gak pacaran. I never said that. My commitment is to not date, unless God said it is time. And for right now, He hasn't put the green light on.

Baru aja belakangan ini I met someone yang literally every Christian girl's prince charming. Gosh. Many times I prayed, God maybe it's him, maybe it's time. But He is an amazing counselor. The Holy Spirit is so helpful and so kind. He is so wise. Every time I talked to that guy, saya selalu gak damai sejahtera. I got this tickely feeling in my heart yang kita rasain waktu kita umpetin sesuatu. 

Waktu Tuhan challenge saya untuk buat komitmen ini, I know bukan untuk ngehalang-halangin saya untuk suka sama seseorang. Tapi untuk punya relationship dulu sama Dia. And guess what, when we drink the Living water, we will never be thirst again.

Wanita samaria yang ketemu sama Yesus di dekat sumur itu udah lama cari seseorang yang bisa penuhin space yang kosong dihati nya. Yang bisa fulfill her desires of love. And when she met Jesus, remember what He said? Drink from me and you will never be thirst again. Kita adalah si wanita Samaria itu. He basically came to us and said, yuk have a deeper relationship with Me. Let Me be your first and one true love, and you will never feel empty again. 9 bulan komitmen ini berlangsung, bukan artinya saya jadi super kudus. Kadang ada masa-masa nya dimana saya pingin banget respon kalo ada cowok yang deketin dan sebagainya. But everytime that earthly desire came (earthly desire itu artinya keinginan untuk memiliki seseorang itu untuk pleasure semata, bukan genuine love), I just came to God and cry out to Him. He would came to me and convinced me that He is enough. And He is.

Bukan artinya saya tertutup sama cowok cowok trus langsung anti gitu hahahha enggak lah. But sometimes I keep distance to let them know that the answer is 'not yet'. Dan setelah 9 bulan I realized, you know someone better if you both are friends bukan lagi pdkt. You opened up even more without getting attached. And that is my definition of fun :)

So for all you newbies yang feel like this commitment is for you dan bertanya-tanya, where do I begin? The answer is now. And how do I do it? This is the answer.

But before you started, pray first. Is this what God wants you to do, or just what you want to do.

If you're still single, pray. If you're currently dating someone, pray.

Waktu Yesus terangkat ke surga dia janji sama kita bahwa The Helper itu dicurahkan ke semua orang. Bukan cuma ke orang-orang yang kudus nya udah level 10000. Tapi ke semua orang. Ask the Holy Spirit, let Him guide you. If the answer is for you to stay in the relationship with the person you're dating, pray that God will be the center. In other words, let Him be the most important person not your BF/GF. If God called you to stay single for right now, like I am, pray that God will guide your footsteps, and that you will be genuine to your commitment.

I know I can't speak to those who are in a relationship karena, uhm duh, look who's talking hahahaha. All that I can say is that, treat your partner the way you will treat your parents. Lebih ektrim (this is for everyone also), treat your partner as if your future spouse is watching. And when you're dating, remember you're not the only living person here on earth. Just because you're currently living with someone special doesn't mean they're the most important. Remember there are lots of people around that needed your love and help. And lastly, don't be needy! You don't need your partner all the time and your partner likewise. You both need Jesus xD

Of course saya gak bisa bilang kamu hanya boleh pacaran satu kali seumur hidup karena setiap orang punya prinsip nya masing-masing. Dan saya menghargai setiap prinsip hidup yang ada. However, this is what we should all keep in mind atas setiap komitmen yang kita jalani. 

Do it because you love Jesus, and do it His way.

The reason kenapa saya berani cerita panjang lebar malah terkesan agak bragging dan narsis adalah bukan karena alasan-alasan tersebut. This is what God really put in my heart. Awalnya saya gak mau istilahnya 'campaign' tentang hal ini, tapi banyak orang yang saya share tentang hal ini encourage saya to be serious about this. So this post bukan untuk naik-naikin pamor atau sok menggurui atau sok kudus. It's basicly what I genuinely desire for all you my friends to live. A set-apart life. Saya juga nulis ini is for you to know that I'm a human, I make mistakes. Mungkin in days to come saya akan jatuh #amitamit. But I just wanted you to know that I'm opened up to you guys. It took me almost a year to do this. Tadinya saya pikir saya akan tunggu sampai saya bisa khotbah tentang hal ini, but I realize itu kayak nya gak akan terjadi. Jadi saya ambil keputusan untuk share di blog ini saja. 

This is the end of part I. I'm so excited about what will happened in days to come. I hope this story is not for you to judge and I hope it doesn't hurt anyone. And most of all, I hope you are blessed :)

PS: please comment, let me know what you think. I'm opened up to your stories. Let's share more about this ! Email me at emmanuelamagdalena@yahoo.com <3